Supporting her through pregnancy loss

Pregnancy loss is common, but that does not make it any lighter. For some people it feels like losing a child, even very early on. Everyone grieves differently, and there are no right or wrong feelings.

This is what she most needs to hear. Most early losses come from problems in the pregnancy's development, not from anything a woman did or did not do. Ordinary work, light lifting, housework, normal movement, or being happy or upset do not cause it. Stop relatives who say she worked too hard or lifted something heavy.

• Say: 'I'm so sorry. I'm here.'
• Let her cry and listen. Do not try to fix her feelings.
• Take on the housework, meals and care of older children.
• Go with her to appointments and remember what the doctor says.
• Deal with visitors and questions for her.
• Keep hard dates in mind, such as the due date.

• 'You can have another one', 'You're young'
• 'At least it happened early'
• 'Everything happens for a reason'
• 'Try to forget it'

Partners and fathers grieve as well, though few people ask them about it. You do not have to look strong. Share your sadness with someone you trust. Decide on trying again together, based on her readiness and medical advice, not family pressure. If losses have been repeated, a doctor can look for causes.