What to do if she tells you something hard

If a girl tells you someone is hurting or frightening her, or shares something else that is hard, it took courage. Your first reaction may decide whether she ever tells anyone again.

• Believe her. Say: 'I believe you.'
• Stay calm. Take your anger and fear to another adult later.
• Say: 'This is not your fault. You did the right thing by telling me.'
• Listen. Do not ask why she did not say sooner.
• Do not dig for details. Afterwards, write down what she said, in her own words if you can.
• Do not promise to keep it secret. Say: 'To keep you safe, I need to talk to people who can help.'

Safety comes first. She should not be left alone with that person, even if that person is family.

Do not confront the person alone. That can put her in more danger and under more pressure. Get professional advice first.

Call the child helpline on 116 111 and ask what to do. If it happened recently or she is in pain, take her to a doctor.

Words like 'shame', 'nobody must know' and 'don't break up the family' silence a child and hurt her a second time. Keep it to the people who need to know, and do not make her repeat the story. A child psychologist can help her carry it. It is not her fault, and being protected is her right.